When You’re Done: Resentment, Exhaustion, Questioning Divorce, or Walking Away from It All
We’ve all heard that motherhood is supposed to be this magical, fulfilling journey that transforms you into a better, stronger version of yourself.
But what happens when it doesn’t feel that way at all?
What happens when you reach a point where you resent having kids? Or you are seriously considering divorcing your husband? Or you find yourself fantasizing about walking away from your entire life? This isn’t the version of motherhood we’re told about, but for many moms, this is the raw, unfiltered reality.
If you’re nodding along or feeling a pang of recognition, know that you are not alone. Let’s talk about these difficult emotions and explore why they happen and how to make sense of them. We’ll also explore how therapeutic interventions like trauma therapy and brainspotting can help you find a way forward.
The Raw Truth: “I Resent My Kids and My Life”
Imagine this: It’s a Monday morning, and you’ve been up since 4 AM because your toddler had a nightmare. By the time you finally manage to get them back to sleep, it’s almost time for the school run. Your husband’s off to work, leaving you to juggle breakfast, getting the kids dressed, and managing the never-ending mental load of appointments, school projects, and endless to-dos. You feel like you’re on autopilot. You catch yourself thinking,
“I used to have a life. Now, I just serve everyone else.”
The resentment builds—sometimes toward your kids, sometimes toward your partner, and even toward yourself. You used to have dreams, ambitions, hobbies. You used to be someone outside of “Mom.” And now? You’ve become a stranger in your own life.
In therapy rooms, women often confess these feelings with tears streaming down their faces. They feel ashamed of their resentment and feel that loving your children and resenting them can’t coexist. But it can. You can love your children deeply and still feel trapped by the never-ending cycle of caretaking, exhaustion, and lack of appreciation.
“I Don’t Know If I Want to Be Married Anymore”
If you’ve been in a relationship long enough, especially after having kids, you know that marriage is not the same as it was in the beginning. But for some moms, this shift goes from normal growing pains to a full-on divide between you and your partner.
Maybe your partner is emotionally distant, and more interested in work or hobbies than spending time with the family. Maybe he’s stuck in his own stress, leaving you to shoulder 90% of the household and emotional labor. You’ve tried talking about it, but every conversation turns into an argument or gets swept under the rug. So, you’ve stopped talking.
That initial emotional distance can grow into resentment, then bitterness, and then apathy. You find yourself thinking,
“I don’t even know this person anymore. What’s the point of staying?”
You may even think about divorce but feel too guilty to take that step. After all, what would it do to the kids? And yet, the idea of staying feels like a prison sentence.
“I’ve Thought About Walking Away”
The deep, aching pain when you stand at the edge of your breaking point, contemplating the unthinkable. You’re tired beyond words. Every bone in your body worn from the endless demands of motherhood and marriage. You’re feeling like you’re being held together by a thread. The exhaustion has sunk beyond physical; it’s emotional and spiritual, an unbearable weight pressing down on your soul. You haven’t felt like yourself in a long time.
You’ve given so much of yourself that there’s barely anything left, yet your sacrifices seem invisible and unappreciated. As though your efforts and needs don’t matter. This isn’t what you imagined life would be; this is survival, not living. The thought of leaving is both terrifying and liberating, like a desperate escape from a life that’s swallowed you whole. But underneath the anger and despair, there’s a small, buried hope that somehow, someone will see you, hear you, before it’s too late.
This might be the hardest thought to admit: the idea of walking away. The daydream where you pack a bag, get in the car, and just drive. No more responsibilities, no more guilt, no more constantly failing to meet everyone’s expectations. Just peace and quiet.
While this walking away thought might be fleeting for some, for others, it becomes a regular fantasy. You might catch yourself staring out the window and thinking, “What if I just left?” If that thought has crossed your mind, it’s a clear sign that something is deeply out of balance in your life.
The Shame of These Thoughts
Moms who reach this point of thinking about walking away, divorce, or resentment often feel a deep sense of shame. We’ve been conditioned to believe that a good mother is always selfless, endlessly patient, and derives total fulfillment from her kids and family. So when these darker thoughts of divorce, walking away, or resentment creep in, it feels like a betrayal of everything motherhood is supposed to be. You might be thinking, “What kind of mom thinks about walking away? What kind of wife resents her husband?”
The truth is, a human mom. A mom who is exhausted, overwhelmed, and emotionally drained. A mom who has been carrying too much for too long without enough support, without a break. And a mom who hasn’t had the space to process her own emotions.
Understanding the Root Causes: Trauma, Stress, Postpartum Symptoms, and Unmet Needs
It’s essential to recognize that these feelings don’t just come out of nowhere. Often, they’re a result of unresolved trauma, whether from your past or current stressors. For many women, motherhood triggers memories of their own childhood, relationships with their parents, or past traumas that they’ve long buried. These feelings may also be related to postpartum symptoms which may last for months to years after the child is born.
When you’re running on empty and constantly in fight-or-flight mode (cue the urges of resentment and walking away), it’s hard to feel present or connected to your partner, let alone your kids. You might feel like you’re just surviving, moving from one crisis to the next, without any time to breathe or take care of yourself. This chronic stress can lead to burnout, depression, and even feelings of disconnection from your family.
How Therapy Can Help
If you’re feeling like you’re at your breaking point, it’s about time you seek help. Therapy can offer a safe space to unpack these feelings, understand their roots, and learn healthier ways to cope. Trauma therapy, in particular, can be incredibly powerful for moms who feel stuck in patterns of resentment, overwhelm, and emotional exhaustion.
Brainspotting: A Pathway to Healing
One specific therapeutic approach that can be transformative is Brainspotting. Developed by Dr. David Grand, Brainspotting is a method that taps into the brain’s natural ability to heal itself, focusing on the deep, often unconscious, layers of trauma and emotional distress.
Brainspotting uses specific eye positions to locate where you’re holding trauma or intense emotions in your body and brain. By accessing these “brainspots,” a trained therapist can help you process these emotions, allowing you to release them in a way that talk therapy alone might not.
For example, a mom who feels overwhelmed by the daily demands of parenting might have unresolved trauma from her own childhood, where she never felt supported or cared for. These deep-seated feelings can get triggered when she’s in the thick of motherhood, making her feel like she’s drowning in resentment and frustration. Brainspotting can help release those past emotions, providing relief and allowing her to feel more present and connected to her family.
Many moms who have gone through Brainspotting report feeling lighter, more in control, and less triggered by their kids or partner’s behavior. It’s not an overnight fix, but it offers a pathway to healing that addresses the root of the emotional pain, rather than just the surface symptoms.
Trauma Therapy
In addition to Brainspotting, trauma-focused therapy can help moms understand how their past experiences are influencing their current feelings. Many moms I work with have experienced childhood trauma, neglect, or emotional abuse that they’ve never fully processed. These unhealed wounds often resurface in motherhood when the weight of responsibility, lack of support, and feelings of inadequacy become overwhelming.
Working with a therapist who specializes in trauma can help you identify how your past is impacting your present, and more importantly, how to start healing from it. Therapy can help you set boundaries, advocate for your own needs, and rebuild your self-worth so that you can show up for your family in a healthier, more balanced way.
Moving Forward: Finding Balance
If you’re reading this and recognizing yourself in these stories, I want you to know there is hope. You don’t have to live in a constant state of resentment, exhaustion, or emotional numbness. Therapy can help you regain a sense of control, heal from past wounds, and learn how to balance your needs with the needs of your family.
It’s not about becoming a perfect mom, but about becoming a mom who can prioritize her own mental health and well-being without shame or guilt. By addressing the underlying trauma and stress that’s contributing to your feelings of resentment or burnout, you can start to feel more connected to yourself and your loved ones.
Motherhood is hard, but it doesn’t have to break you. With the right support, you can find your way back to yourself, even if right now it feels impossible.
If you’re ready to start healing, reach out for help. Whether it’s trauma therapy or Brainspotting, you don’t have to carry this burden alone.
Eleena Hardzinski is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and a Certified Brainspotting Therapist practicing online in North Carolina, South Carolina, and Wisconsin.
Eleena supports women struggling with motherhood, relationships, past traumas, and anxiety. She helps moms find balance, overcome guilt, establish healthy boundaries, heal from past traumas, improve family communication, and regain confidence and joy in their lives.
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