Mom Guilt, Negative Self-Talk, Brainspotting, and the Power of Simple Breaks: How to Reclaim Your Mental Space
You’re Overwhelmed Yet All You Hear Is That Negative Little Voice In Your Head- The Start of Mom Guilt
Have you ever heard that voice in your head saying “You’re not doing enough” or “You’re not good enough”? Where is this coming from? What is going on during the time those thoughts pop into your head?
Perhaps you’ve just finished your morning routine. How many more…
“Mom, where are my socks?” or “Mom where is my other shoe?” or “Mooommmmm! Eww, I don’t like that!”
…can you hear before your head explodes?
When Mom Guilt Takes Over
Often we’re going in so many directions. When we finally slow down or take a break we’re bombarded with negative thoughts or feelings of guilt. What if I told you it doesn’t have to be this way? For many moms, it’s damn near impossible to take a break without feeling guilty, at least at first.
How do we get to the point of not feeling guilty? When we have negative thoughts that doubt the choices we’ve made, we get into a downward spiral of creating more negative messages.
The Cycle of Negative Thoughts
Thoughts in your head, such as “I’m not good enough” or “I’m not doing enough,” will generally fire up a physical sensation somewhere in your body. These thoughts, feelings, or emotions are stored in the middle part of your brain. When you experience stress or strong emotions like overwhelm or guilt, the middle part of your brain can be triggered, leading to a negative spiral of thoughts and behaviors.
This negative spiral can look like feeling exhausted, drained, procrastinating, avoidance, self-doubt, feelings of unworthiness, guilt, and shame.
You get the kids dropped off at school. As you drive home, slight tears are in your eyes. It’s another morning that continues the same way as every other morning.
The house is quiet, finally. Once inside, you look around- clutter is everywhere. Dishes are in the sink, one of the little ones left their pull-up in the hallway, there’s a pile of laundry that needs to get done, and there are rolling tumble weeds of dust bunnies flying across the floor. You let out a heavy sigh because you see that your chore list is never-ending.
Tears are now flowing down your face. It feels like you’re drowning in responsibilities and don’t have any help. Reluctantly, you start the cleaning tasks but it all looks so overwhelming and you dart from task to task– spending a few minutes at each task before moving onto the next without really getting anything accomplished.
Perhaps you’ve had thoughts such as, “I feel like I’m missing out on my own life while taking care of everyone else’s.” “Sometimes I just want to run away and escape it all.”
Does this sound familiar?
How Brainspotting Therapy Can Help Moms Get Out Of The Mom Guilt Spiral
In the example above, this mom may be experiencing overwhelm, guilt, anxiety, lack of focus, exhaustion, loneliness, depression, or regret. A therapy modality such as brainspotting can help you get out of that negative spiral. Brainspotting works by turning down the volume of these big emotions or intense thoughts.
Brainspotting is a specific form of focused mindfulness where you connect your thoughts and emotions to bodily sensations and identify an eye position or a “brainspot” associated with those thoughts, feelings, and sensations.
After a brainspotting session, you may find that you are able to concentrate on the tasks you need to accomplish. Chores may not feel as overwhelming. You will gain clarity and insight to what tasks are a priority. You may feel excited to spend time with your kids and family with out feeling overly exhausted and defeated.
By connecting your thoughts to the sensations in your body, you can start to declutter the thoughts in your head. Brainspotting helps bridge the mind-body connection and will heal the part of your brain that continues to be activated by stress and overwhelm.
Decluttering the Mind: The Key to Mental Well-being
The Link Between a Cluttered House and a Cluttered Mind
Have you ever heard of the saying, “a cluttered house is a cluttered mind?” A cluttered mind is typically a result of too much going on and creating a feeling of overwhelm. A picked up house may make you feel better in the moment, but it won’t fix the problem. Brainspotting can help you dive deep into the closets of your mind and help you organize all the junk you tossed in there day after day, year after year just to get it out of the way. Goodbye mom guilt!
The Power of Simple Breaks for Busy Moms
How Small Moments of Rest Can Boost Productivity
Once brainspotting helps you organize all the thoughts in your mind, you begin to pay attention and notice important things you missed along the way. A simple break such as listening to a favorite song, taking a nap, scrolling on social media, laughing at some TikToks, or indulging in a favorite TV show can open up some space to be more productive later. (We’ll worry about breaks away from screens at another time.)
Putting Yourself First: The Flight Attendant’s Wisdom
Why Securing Your Own Oxygen Mask Matters for Moms
One of my favorite statements is from flight attendant instructions at the start of a flight: In case there is a loss of cabin pressure an oxygen mask will drop down from the compartment above you. Please secure your own mask before assisting others.
How many people can you help if you’re not in the best place? Together, let’s work on securing your mask so you can be in the best, most productive position to help and support your loved ones.
Eleena Hardzinski is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist practicing online in North Carolina, South Carolina, and Wisconsin.
Eleena supports women struggling with motherhood, relationships, past traumas, and anxiety. She helps moms find balance, overcome guilt, establish healthy boundaries, heal from past traumas, improve family communication, and regain confidence and joy in their lives.
